Yesterday was a crappy day. One of those days where you don't really feel like you are "enough". I like to think I am a confident fun sassy person to be around. I mean the guy at Maverick today said I was fun in the mornings...that I was perky. But yesterday, I felt like I was just there. Floating. Maybe feeling a little rejected. Sometimes I wonder if we can ever be enough for other people. I will never be perfect. But will I ever be perfect enough for someone?

Jack's Mannequin...with The Fray

Okay so technically Jack's Mannequin opened for The Fray...but I went for Jack...I love him. His my favorite! We had a fairly large group go..Me, Ree, Ty, Phatty, Mergs and date, Lane, Kristen and Kevin. It was a good time! After the concert we went to The Pie and grabbed some pizza...so delicious! And then they all passed out as I drove us all home...haha. Although Ty did make a valiant effort to try and stay awake to keep me awake :)

Kev, Mergs Date, Mergs

My Ty....haha like the drink get it? I'm so clever

Mergs...I am such an awesome photog...I need a DSLR...badly!

Me and Ree :)

Kristen and Laney Bug...haha my new nickname for him.

Someone sent this to me today...and I think it applies.

There comes a point in your life when you realize:

Who matters,

Who never did,

Who won't anymore...

And who always will.


So, don't worry about people from your past,
there's a reason why they didn't make it to your future.

Boring

So I decided my blog has become boring. I kind of forget to post stuff...sorry about that. :) But to be honest I have kind of let my life become a little boring. After all the excitement of last month it has been nice to just have things calm and level. I have been staying ultra busy...trying to plan things for most nights of the week, and it has been good for me. Less time to think I guess.

Anyhow a quick catch up of things that happened this week....

Friday we had a BBQ at our apartments...it was a good time and I got to see my friend Matt "Dirty" that I haven't seen in ages!!! I lit the grill...and it was a little scary...I think by the 5th time we lit the charcoal it finally took...haha.

Saturday I went up to Logan for my little cousin's baptism...and then over to Newton dam for a day on the boat with some of my favorite peeps. Vern decided to wake surf in his panties...so freaking hot! :)

The sky at the end of the day was beautiful! After 9 hours on the boat...it was time for the annual Newton Dam Dance party...and I got sick. Being on the boat all day, then disco lights...not a good combo! So I laid in the back of Ty's truck and watched the stars. It was so pretty, and relaxing. Then I camped...haha. I slept about 3 hours...the party went late into the night, the music was loud and well I just don't sleep well outside. But regardless it was a great time!

And on to last night...my mom and family went to Jackson Hole, so I am staying at her place and watching my little Sass...I miss her. Don't mind my lack of make-up...but I miss her snuggling me. She was so happy to have me there.

Quotes...

"No matter how dark the moon, love and hope are always possible."

"In order for the light to shine so brightly the darkness must be present."

"It's not what you look at that matters, it's what you see."

"Every man dies, not every man truly lives."

Teeth

Okay so I have always been super sensitive about my teeth ever since I got my braces off and the dentist told me I should bleach them. I tried the crest white strips, but couldn't do it because it made my teeth too sensitive. So because I was feeling kind of down a couple weeks ago I decided I would get Zoom! whitening done...so far I love the results! It took my teeth 15 shades whiter...holy cow! I didn't realize how yellow my teeth were! INSANE! So anyhow, I am still doing the after bleaching treatments and they will go even whiter...but I was messing around on my computer today and was shocked with the results so far...and thought I would post them. It's kind of gross that my teeth were that yellow! Probably from years of drinking soda?

LAGOON!!!

Last night after work I finally got to break in my season pass to Lagoon! It was a blast! haha. Ty came down from Logan to be my "date". Ree was lined up with Alex from Stac and I's work. And then of course Staci and Jared. It was so much fun! And such a great time to go because it wasn't hot, it was the perfect temp, plus the lines were short because it was the end of the day. I love Lagoon, I love acting like a 10 year old...haha. It was awesome. Hopefully there will be many more fun filled Lagoon nights to come!

Ree and Alex

Me and Ty Ty

Stac and Jared

Alex, Ree, Me and Ty

Alex Ree Me Ty

Alex Ree Stac Jared

Girls Dinner

Last night I met 2 of my best friends down in SLC for dinner at Mimi's. Jess Erin and I have been friends for 5+ years. I love these girls and don't get to seem them often enough. They are really what best friends are... :)

Me Jess and Erin

Baby Ella...she is such a babe! And such a happy baby!

Ryker, he is going to be a heart breaker...such a flirt!

Quotes of the Week

For those that believe no proof is necessary. For those that don't believe no proof is possible.

Fear cannot scare a person who is at peace with God. There is no room, opportunity, or place for fear in such a person. Remember, you must have faith

The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can't go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

Boating at Newton

Erica and I headed up to Newton this weekend to go boating with the Logan boys...it was such a good time. We all got a bit burned...but it was worth it :)

Justin Pro Wakesurfer....
The Crew.....huddled on one side of the boat to make the wake bigger.

TyTy -- with Kev coaching him

Pole dance anyone??

Roomies...we both have really skinny necks...haha

Kev's snake print speedo....and.....haha JK

Me....cheesing it

Me and TyTy

Little Bro's Wedding

So my little brother got married...kind of crazy! Below is a picture from the day he received his endowment. This picture is priceless to me for one reason. I lost my grandfather when I was 8, he had a heartattack. But we are blessed that he had an identical twin brother Jim. Jim is amazing and comes and supports our family so well. It has given us a chance to grow older with our grandpa :)

The parents Mike, my Mom, Whit, Jake, Tracee, Daddy

The kids: Tyanna, Kohnor, Jake, me, Tawnee

Bridesmaids with Jake

Fam: me, Kohnor, Ty, Tawn, Daddy, Tracee

Me, Whit, Jake, Kohnor

The little brothers and I...

Catching Up...

Oh my, a lot has happened. Things that I don't really want to talk about to be honest. Most of you already know, and a few don't. But to sum it up the last 3 weeks of my life have not been awesome. I have had my heart broken in ways I can't even begin to explain. I have faced challenges of anxiety I didn't even know existed, so paralyzing that I honestly didn't know if I would survive it. Every day has gotten a little easier, but the pain is still there. And I wonder if it will ever completely go away. I have been through break ups, I have lost friends, but nothing like this. I wake up in the morning waiting for the pain to be gone, the sick feeling in my stomach to leave, but it's there. The betrayal, the heartbreak, the disbelief. I know the pain will fade over time, but I don't believe it will ever completely go away. This time I think it was just a bit too deep to forget...to heal.

Realization

Last night as I watched the Bachelorette I had a realization. Jillian had it brought to her attention that one of the guys on the show may have a girlfriend back home and was on the show for the wrong reasons. She asked the man who it was to stand up and be a man, but he didn't. All the other men in the room knew who it was, but they didn't say a word. Now had this been a room full of women, they would have spilled and been pointing fingers.

Life is hard enough, why is it that we do things to intentionally hurt one another?

On a side note, I am making my blog private today. Email me your email address if you would like to be added. Sammy4041@gmail.com

Retirement...

So my boss is retiring...this makes me depressed. To say this least since Tuesday of last week I have not had one awesome day...they have all been pretty terrible to be honest it's been one thing after another. I am hoping that tomorrow will turn that all around. Tomorrow could make all the not awesome days totally worth it...or it could also suck...and that would not be awesome...

Chicago....

The first day I think we walked a good 7 miles, we headed into the city for a visit at Hancock Tower. It is free if you just head up to the bar and buy a drink to enjoy the view. (don't worry they were virgin drinks of course!)

After the tower we went down to the Lincoln Park Zoo, the animals were lame though, and most of them were sleeping. Kind of a bummer.

After the zoo we headed back to Joy's house where we found Johnny setting up their new patio furniture on the roof, Johny and Bri worked on putting it all together while I supervised. For dinner we had deep dish Chicago style pizza...mmmm and chatted the night away.

Saturday we went to a Cubbies game...and they won!!!! GO CUBS GO! Cubs 7 Dodgers 0!

Saturday night we helped the Condie's break in their new grill with steaks and corn...so delicious!

Sunday was a fun filled day of church and painting Joy and Johny's old apartment. From there we headed down to Millennium Park to see the bean...(we both forgot our cameras...lame!) And over to Grant Park to see the fountain. It was another day full of walking, but it felt good to get out and stretch our muscles. We had dinner and Joy's Noodles which was Delicious.

Monday we went to brunch at Bongo of course....Mmmm. Favorite meal of the whole trip...they NEVER disappoint. Then it was back home :( I hate coming back home.

Graduation

Oh my gosh, my little sister Tawnee graduated. Kind of strange, she is the baby of the family. It kind of makes me sad actually. But at the same time I am so excited for her. She is so stinking smart, and was awarded a academic scholarship. She is a beauty too! Anyhow, here are a couple of pictures from the evening. The sisters, Me, Tawnee and Tyanna

Me, Ty, Tawnee, steph mom Tracee, Daddy

Me Ty, Tawnee, Tracee, Gma Loosle

The Graduate, Tawn Tawn

Daddy, Tawn, Tracee